What happened to me?

I always sit alone at the corner and cry, just because I miss you again. I can't stop crying every night, keep dreaming of you, I think I will do the same thing in that dream which I told you before I went to Melaka. I willing to anything for you but will you appreciate it? I cried when somebody told me, you're to young and you don't really know to cherish me, that touched my heart. Do you know, I cry again and again when I meet you in college but what can I do is escape myself from your sight, cause I can't take it anymore... I love you, mon chochon. 

My friend asked me: "Do you think you and Kell Jim will marry in the future?" Actually I don't know how to answer cause you told me before, I won't be your another half in your life. You're so straight forward, you destroy my dream, a dream that let me have a hope. I'm just a normal girl, sometimes I wish I can be Mrs. Teh, I just want some cares and loves from you, my beloved guy in my life. I miss the moment together, walk along KL street,my story time, your massage time, I cried in front of you, jamming in the studio, you forced me to study by webcam, shisha at mamak, shopping in One Utama, everything you taught me, but all is gone... I don't care you flirt with other girls at outside, I don't mind you tell others that you're single, I just want your love and care. 

有缘无分(you yuan wu fen) maybe is the best word to describe our relationship. You're the first person that accepted by my family, you're the first person that can kidding with my mom, you're the first person that I cooked breakfast for you, you're the first person that made me change my bad attitude... All my friends know I changed a lot, become a good girl that won't hang out in midnight, maybe that is nothing for you but it means a lot for me... I just want us like last time... I'm not a good gf, did a lots of stupid thing... I'm so sorry about your birthday, we quarrel at that night, I feel regret for making you tired. I still remember what you told me in May.... Still remember that night before I went back to my hometown, what we promised to each other, I put it in my heart. 

When I listen to those songs, the songs that you chosen for me, my tears will drop again. Do you realise, I getting skinny nowadays... Our photos, MSN conversation, SMS, I keep them all but I don't dare to touch them, my heart really painful...

I can't move on, seriously I can't... I tried to date with guys but failed... I still holding you hoddie cause  I know that is the only thing I can feel that you're beside me... 

I love you......